My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

It's not true, they didn't come anywhere near my tabloids…

Chris Christie. Working The Cones.

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Written by mytabloids

January 13, 2014 at 12:36 am

Chris Christie Exit Closed.

chris christie governor image bridgegateClearly the one exit sign that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie didn’t want to see, is the one that is now the most prominent…

Written by mytabloids

January 11, 2014 at 7:40 am

Bob Ford apologizes for defecating on statue of Mother Teresa

bob ford mayor torontoEmbattled Toronto Mayor Bob Ford, in yet another remarkable public admission, has said he was “just a little wasted” when he dropped trow and unloaded on a public statue of Mother Teresa.

“The people of Ontario just gotta understand that I’m plainspoken dude.  I’m not some silver-tongued politician.  I’m just like the voters of Toronto;  I say what I say and you can all got to hell if you don’t fucking like it you stupid bastards!!!”

Ford’s spokesman has already scheduled another news conference in which the Mayor will apologize for that remark.

Stay tuned….

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November 19, 2013 at 11:36 pm

Bob Ford Apologizes for Jesus was a Nazi Homo remark….

bob ford mayor torontoEmbattled Toronto Mayor Bob Ford, in yet another remarkable public admission, has said he was “only kidding” when he said that Jesus Christ was “just some homo Nazi from Nazareth.”  This on the heels of his “eat pussy” remarks of the previous day.

“The people of Ontario just gotta understand that I’m plainspoken dude.  I’m not some silver-tongued politician.  I’m just like the voters of Toronto;  I say what I say and you can all got to hell if you don’t fucking like it you stupid bastards!!!”

Ford’s spokesman has already scheduled another news conference in which the Mayor will apologize for that remark.

Stay tuned….

Written by mytabloids

November 17, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Santorum’s Film Studio to remake Rosemary’s Baby

santorum movie studioFormer PA Senator and erstwhile Presidential contender Rick Santorum has taken on the decidedly un-conservative role of Hollywood studio mogul.  As the president of Echolight Studios, Rick promises “family friendly fare which will bore people to tears.”

“Our first big release will be a startling re-imagining of “Rosemary’s Baby,” in which the woman who is raped by the devil delivers the baby vaginally, raises it in the Christian tradition and home schools it —  until something horrible happens.”

Santorum said that Rush Limbaugh has been tagged to direct the epic.

“Echolight will give movie viewers options they have never dreamed out.”  Santorum said.  “Instead of CGI blockbusters with major A-list stars, we are going to deliver mediocre message movies which will never go into wide release.  And we couldn’t be more thrilled!”

Written by mytabloids

July 2, 2013 at 8:39 am

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BREAKING: Sarah Palin announces she’s running for Vice Pope

pope palinIn a startling announcement on Sunday, former VP candidate Sarah Palin released a statement saying that she has new ambitions.

“I am making it known in Rome, and around the world, that I shall put my name in the ring for the position of Vice Pope. It is my most fervent hope that I can serve The Church in much the same way that I did the good people of Wasilla.”

There was no immediate response from The Vatican.

Written by mytabloids

February 25, 2013 at 3:30 am

Pope resigns to, “Spend more time with his family.”

pope benedict

A spokesman for the Vatican said today that The Pontiff isn’t so much worried about his age and various infirmities, but rather that he feels “repentent” about all the time he has had to spend away from his family while ruling over the Roman Catholic Church.

“The Pope will return to Hamburg and attempt to rekindle the spark in his marriage to Hilda Schildkraut, who the then-Cardinal Ratzinger married two decades ago. The couple has several children and The Pope feels bad that he hasn’t been around much to see them grow up.”

The Pope published a holy encyclical in which he said, “All those baseball games and school plays that I missed can’t be made up for. I know that now. But my children must know how much I love them. They must see how much I love all the children of the world….”

Written by mytabloids

February 24, 2013 at 2:59 am

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