My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

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Archive for May 2012

BREAKING: Zuckerberg’s new wife hates his cheap-ass ring

zuckerberg chan weddingWhen Facebook billionaire Mark Zuckerberg married his long time sweetheart Priscilla Chan, he slipped a tiny gold ring on her finger with a miniscule ruby in it. No diamond. Zuckerberg apparently designed the ring himself to, “save money.” The bride’s response was not unexpected.

“What is this total piece of SHIT?”

Zuckerberg immediately unfriended his ungrateful wife, but he saved all her personally identifiable information.

Written by mytabloids

May 25, 2012 at 4:30 am

49 Headless bodies found in Mexico. 4000 soulless bodies found on Wall St.

wall street menIn both cases, no one was shocked. However, the Mexican case was slightly messier.

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May 15, 2012 at 2:34 am

BREAKING: Santorum & Romney seal it with a kiss…

Pittsburgh.

The much-anticipated meetup between Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney finally occurred last week. The published intent of the date was for Rick to “get to know” Romney better, but insiders say that was just code for “Is Mitt a good kisser?”

At the offices of Rick Santorum’s uber-short consultant John Brabender, the two men apparently sat together on a comfy couch making small talk. The discussion was “wide ranging,” but attendees, who noticed that both men seemed a bit nervous, were sent out of the room after Rick and Mitt finally made eye contact — and held hands for a long, awkward moment.

BREAKING: Sarkozy out. Intends to “spend more time womanizing.”

French President Nicholas Sarkozy has been defeated by Socialist Fran├žois Hollande. In a statement to Le Monde, Sarkozy expressed his deep gratitude to the French people for their support.

“Today, I am once again just like you; a citizen. And I intend to return to a rich, full life of womanizing and drinking. Merci!”

Published reports suggested that Sarkozy may have waged a more spirited campaign, but the rigors of sexual promiscuity and full-time campaigning was too much for him.

Written by mytabloids

May 7, 2012 at 4:42 am