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Archive for February 2013

BREAKING: Sarah Palin announces she’s running for Vice Pope

pope palinIn a startling announcement on Sunday, former VP candidate Sarah Palin released a statement saying that she has new ambitions.

“I am making it known in Rome, and around the world, that I shall put my name in the ring for the position of Vice Pope. It is my most fervent hope that I can serve The Church in much the same way that I did the good people of Wasilla.”

There was no immediate response from The Vatican.

Written by mytabloids

February 25, 2013 at 3:30 am

Pope resigns to, “Spend more time with his family.”

pope benedict

A spokesman for the Vatican said today that The Pontiff isn’t so much worried about his age and various infirmities, but rather that he feels “repentent” about all the time he has had to spend away from his family while ruling over the Roman Catholic Church.

“The Pope will return to Hamburg and attempt to rekindle the spark in his marriage to Hilda Schildkraut, who the then-Cardinal Ratzinger married two decades ago. The couple has several children and The Pope feels bad that he hasn’t been around much to see them grow up.”

The Pope published a holy encyclical in which he said, “All those baseball games and school plays that I missed can’t be made up for. I know that now. But my children must know how much I love them. They must see how much I love all the children of the world….”

Written by mytabloids

February 24, 2013 at 2:59 am