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Archive for November 2009

Tiger blames Caddy: “It pulls to the left.”

Golfer Tiger Woods, denying rumors that his wife chased him down with a hybrid wood and “whacked him upside the head,” released a statement today saying the explanation for his early morning accident was with the vehicle.

“As a golfer, I understand these things better than most. I believe the Escalade just got a little ahead of the ball and it pulled hard left, into the rough.”

The car beheaded a fire hydrant and a tree, before coming to rest in a swale.

Unidentified police sources say that Tiger’s first words, after regaining consciousness were, “I want a mulligan!”

Written by mytabloids

November 30, 2009 at 4:53 am

BREAKING: Obama to send troops to Dixie.

In a startling leak from the White House, My Tabloids has learned that President Obama will scrap plans for an escalation of the war in Afghanistan and will instead invade South Carolina, Louisiana and Florida.

According to an unnamed source, the President’s “war council” made an about-face after they realized that these states had governments which were even more dysfunctional than the one in Afghanistan.

“South Carolina is run by a serial liar, philanderer and nutball and Louisiana has a Senator who likes to have sex while wearing diapers,” said the source. “The President thinks we need to get our own “house in order” before we try to fix things in Asia.

Written by mytabloids

November 26, 2009 at 4:59 am

NEW POLL: Palin not qualified to give interviews

In a newly released poll, over 87% of American’s answered “no,” when they were asked the statement, “Is Sarah Palin qualified to give an interview on any subject whatsoever?”

Written by mytabloids

November 18, 2009 at 3:03 am

Obama makes bold Afghan decision: Let Iraqis do the fighting!

obama_2After great consternation and many weeks of high level meetings, President Barack Obama has decided on a bold course of action as related to the concurrent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“Today I have decided to send forty-thousand Iraqis to Afghanistan to help fight that ongoing conflict. It’s a win-win for me, and for the American public. We end up with less Iraqis to fight and we give ourselves at least an outside chance of winning in war torn Afghanistan.”

Written by mytabloids

November 14, 2009 at 3:36 am