My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

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Archive for August 2011

BREAKING: East coast earthquake blamed on Obama jobs policies!

GOP lawmakers,including presidential hopefuls Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, were quick to blame the 5.9 east coast earthquake on Barack Obama.

“This President has done absolutely nothing to create jobs — or to stabilize the tectonics of the North American Plate.” Said Bachmann, a well-known geological scholar. “It is just sinful and wrong.”

Perry, in remarks before a group of Houston business leaders, was quick to add, “Obama is a un-natural disaster. Y’all know what I mean, don’t ‘cha?”

Qadhafi Shocker! Rebels storm Tripoli. Find lost “Libyan’s Are Go” episodes.

Libyan dictator Moammar Qadhafi is apparently not all he seemed to be. Once rebels kicked in the walls of his compound, they discovered not the imposing figure of a self-styled savior, but a rather diminutive marionette, being adroitely held aloft by two Bedouin women.

“He was about the same size as “Scott Tracy,”” said someone close to the situation. “But he couldn’t quite pull off the uniform.”

Written by mytabloids

August 23, 2011 at 1:18 am

BREAKING: “Sweaters for Obama” campaign gains traction

Buoyed by continued Presidential wimpiness, a nationwide movement to send “Sweaters To Obama” has started to take hold. According to SFO CEO Cletus Millet, the campaign is intended to remind voters of the “last great American wimp President, Jimmy Carter.”

Millet has been urging supports to mail cardigan sweaters (hopefully wool, though blends are acceptable) to The White House.

“If he gets enough of these, maybe he’ll get the message,” Said Millet. “And if he doesn’t, well, at least he’ll be warm and comfy after he gets voted out next year.”

Written by mytabloids

August 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

BREAKING NEWS: Michele Bachmann arrested over lack of flag pin

While on what she thought was a “normal” day of campaigning, candidate Michele Bachmann’s tour bus was pulled over by police and quickly boarded, just outside of Badger, Iowa. According to local police on the scene, Ms. Bachmann was “clearly not wearing a metal U.S. flag pin” — and was therefore cited.

“We take our patriotism pretty darn seriously here in Badger, said Police Chief Wallace Watling. “If you can’t even take the time to put the stars and strips on your lapel in the morning, how the heck can we trust you to be President?”

Ms. Bachmann was allowed to leave, after agreeing to a court date later this month.

“Michelle just grabbed the wrong blazer off her hanger this morning,” Said campaign aide Tiffany Newly. “It’s dark on the bus and it’s just dang hard to tell the difference between Navy Blue and Black sometimes.”

Written by mytabloids

August 22, 2011 at 7:41 am