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Archive for October 2009

Roethlisberger digs “Breast Awareness Month.”

big_ben_roethlisbergerSteelers QB “Big Ben” Roethlisberger was “totally stoked” when he heard that the NFL would be celebrating “Breast Awareness Month” by wearing pink ribbons, shoes and underwear.

“Now this is something I can totally get behind,” Said Big Ben, with a wink. “I mean, I’m not into the pink stuff, but if you’re talkin’ breasts, I’m your man!”

Sometime later the Steelers PR machine went into overdrive. “Ben simply left off the “cancer” part. It was an inadvertent error made prior to a game, when Ben was distracted by a cheerleader named Tiffany.”

Letterman changes name to Worldwide Zippers

lettermanDavid Letterman, who admitted he’s been regularly having sex with multiple young woman on this staff, has decided to change the name of his production company from Worldwide Pants to Worldwide Zippers.

According to spokesperson Tiffany Amber D’Alessandro, it was an effort “To more accurately reflect the reality of this wonderfully creative person’s life and good works.”

Bush surprise Copenhagen visit: Makes case for Crawford

bush_podium1Former President George W. Bush showed up in Copenhagen, Denmark today and made a strong case that the International Olympic Committee should consider Crawford, Texas as a “Damn fine place to hold them Summer ‘Lympics.”

Bush contends that Crawford has most of the amenities that Rio, Madrid, Chicago and Hong Kong do, but that, “Parkin’ is cheap and we are a friendlier than those “big city” people.

While making his statement, Bush also pressed the Committee to consider his request that cow-chip tossing be added as an Olympic event.

“It’s about damn time.”

Written by mytabloids

October 2, 2009 at 8:17 pm