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Archive for March 2012

BREAKING: Cheney heart transplant problems…again.

cheney heart transplantIt was revealed today that former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant at a Virginia Hospital and is apparently “do well.”

What has not reported is that this is the 32nd heart transplant that has been attempted.

“We have no idea what the problem is,” said chief cardiologist, Dr. Uwe Bromberg.  “But each time we do a complete match and everything points to a positive result — but his body just rejects the hearts.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  I can’t explain it…..”

Written by mytabloids

March 25, 2012 at 6:44 am

BREAKING: Santorum says “It was all just a big joke.”

rick santorum south carolina catholic churchExhausted and somewhat delirious from his months-long campaign for President, Rick Santorum today made the surprise announcement that it was all “Just a gag.”  Using an expression near to the hearts of Pittsburgher’s, Santorum said…

“It started out as a joke, but now it’s gone on too long.  I was just jaggin’ yinz guys and I never thought for a minute that all those voters would take me seriously as a candidate for President.  Can you imagine that?

Asked what he’ll do now, Santorum said he might run for Pope, “Because I dig that hat.”

Written by mytabloids

March 10, 2012 at 2:48 am

MEDICAL SHOCKER! Santorum has Post-Traumatic Nun Disorder

nuns  santorum imageAccording to newly published reports, GOP candidate Rick Santorum’s rantings about sex and contraception can be traced to an affliction called PTND, or Post Traumatic Nun Disorder.

“Mr. Santorum shows all the classic signs,” said psychologist Phillip Reardon.  “He is simple-minded, narcissistic, full of righteous indignation and basically unable to exist in the modern world.”

When pressed for details, Dr. Reardon said, “The harsh ideology of the Roman Catholic Church, particularly as administered by nuns with rulers across the knuckles, left a deep impact on Mr. Santorum.  He conflates women with those nuns and now, when he finds himself in a position of power himself, he wants to punish them — just as they punished him.”

Written by mytabloids

March 4, 2012 at 6:52 am

Breaking: Santorum admits, “College didn’t work for me!”

santorum evangelicals vote iowaIn an attempt to clarify recent remarks, Rick Santorum today told a crowd outside of Toledo that “I may have three degrees, but I’m as dumb as a box of rocks.  I mean, ladies and gentlemen, I think this proves my point that not everyone is well-served by going to college.”

 

 

Written by mytabloids

March 2, 2012 at 3:59 am