GOP offers alternate stimulus plan: Embrace the Depression!

A group of influential Republican Senators are touting an alternative “stimulus plan,” saying “The way to get America really moving again is to embrace the New Depression, not wasteful government spending!”  Below is part of the list released by Louisiana Senator and Economics Scholar, David Vitter.

1 – “If we’re going to have another Depression, we the undersigned believe it should be the deepest, darkest Depression of all.  Americans should never settle for second-best!  There’s a reason everyone called the first one the Great Depression.  But we should want to do even better this time around!”

2 – “Urge private industry, and not the wasteful tax and spend government, to invest in Depression-era stalwarts such as bread lines, apples, disease, joblessness, poverty and hopelessness.  These are truly growth industries and will be for years to come.”

Vitter and his fellow lawmakers Jon Kyl, Jeff Sessions, Arlen Specter, Saxby Chambliss, Lamar Alexander and Mike Crapo have offered these and other measures in a bill they think are calling “The Nuke Deal.”

Bank crisis started with one stupid old man…

Federal banking regulators, seeking to understand “how we got here,” have discovered that the roots of the current financial meltdown harken back to a series of bad decisions made by someone called “Uncle Billy,” a low-level bank employee from Pottersville, NY.

“Many people are claiming it’s greed and hubris that got us into this fix,” said Thomas Barrington of CitiCorp “But it’s not.  We have conclusively shown that this simmering disaster started when this character mislaid a ton of cash.  Hell, he was the original Bernie Madoff!”

As a result of the investigation, a new FDIC ruling makes it a felony to keep crows inside banks.