My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

It's not true, they didn't come anywhere near my tabloids…

BREAKING: Cain news conference. “Depends on what you definition of “lap” is.”

Borrowing from the Bill Clinton lexicon, candidate and former lobbyist Herman Cain today refused to admit any wrongdoing or sexual malfeasance.

“This woman’s claims are completely baseless.” Said a determined Cain. “And I’d argue that the word lap can be defined in many different ways.”

With that the candidate held up a printout from Wikipedia, in which the word lap was highlighted in yellow.

“It says right here, and this is the most accurate source imaginable, that lap can refer to “one time around a race course.” If I ever used that word while forcing this woman’s head in the direction of my crotch, that was no doubt the meaning I was referring to.” I was suggesting that we “go once around the block.”

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