My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

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Big Ben suspended: Will use free time to slog through dive bars.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell came down hard on Pittsburgh Steeler QB Ben Roethlisberger today, handing down a six game suspension to the embattled player, who has been involved in several high-profile, sexually-charged off-field incidents.

“If Ben plays by the rules and partakes of some serious fake squishy new age therapy,” Said the Commish, “He’ll only be out four games.”

“Big Ben,” as he is known, said he’ll use his free time to scour the local Pittsburgh bars for additional conquests, ‘Or, you know, whatever.”

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