My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

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“We’re gonna need a bigger rat hole” Pittsburghers gamble away their future

In the first 18 hours of operation, the brand new Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh helped liberate 1.3 million dollars from local gamblers.

“It was a really grand, grand opening.” Said Theresa Simcovich of Carnegie. “I took everything I had saved for my grand kids and just pissed it away on the nickel slots. It was like, totally liberating!”

After gambling, many of the same residents left to travel to Harrisburg, where they argued that increased taxes are “killing them.”

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Written by mytabloids

August 11, 2009 at 8:13 am

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