My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

It's not true, they didn't come anywhere near my tabloids…

Is that a remote in your pocket? Big Ben chimes in.

big_ben_roethlisbergerPittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger admitted today that he “may have been confused by an “unfamiliar TV remote,” but he denied molesting or physically threatening Harrah’s hotel employee Andrea McNulty.

“I couldn’t find the freakin’ mute button,” the Steelers QB said, in a brash and honest news conference, “And I asked this looney toons chick to help me fix it. End of story. I mean, I stumbled on the BBC News channel and I just had to turn it off before my freakin’ head exploded. Who can listen to that crap?”

McNutley claims that “Big Ben,” as he is know to his fans, blocked her egress from his hotel suite and kissed her, despite her protestations.

“Why would I do that?” Roethlisberger said at the news conference, “When I can nail any tail I want? It just doesn’t make sense? And besides, this has been very hurtful to me and my family an ‘nat.”

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