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US to invade and conquer St. Thomas: “We need a win badly!”

st_thomasPentagon officials are mum on the subject, but word has leaked out that the Obama Administration has plans to invade and conquer the small Caribbean island of St. Thomas sometime in the near future.

“As I understand it,” Said a former U.S. Brigadier General, with insider knowledge of the plans, “The sense is that we need a big win. It’s been so long since America has won a war, that we need something to feel good about.”

“Let’s face it…we lost the wars in Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan as well as the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs and The War on Terror. The fans are not happy.”

“St. Thomas might not be that much of a challenge,” Said the General, “But you’ve got to start somewhere!”

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