My Tabloids | Satire on the Mon

It's not true, they didn't come anywhere near my tabloids…

Pirates attack Disney attraction: Demand free Slurpees

disneyAccording to wire service reports, a small, militant group of 8th grade Somali students took over the the “Pirates of the Caribbean” attraction at Disney World earlier today and are holding a clean-shaven, 19 year old employee named Larry Ferguson, hostage.

A neatly printed sign, posted on the rope line outside the ride reads, “This Dastardly Disney attraction is currently being improved by our Imagineers. Arrrrgh! Come back tomorrow…if you dare!” The rest of the park is open and business is being conducted normally.

Orlando police and the FBI have been alerted to the siege, but are currently taking a “wait and see” approach to the developing situation.

“No need to git all wound up about this.” Said Curtis E. Mathers, a spokesman for the local Sheriff’s department. “Them Disney folks knows how to deal with stuff like ‘is.”

The Somali students, on a tour of the United States, have issued a statement in which they are demanding free 32 ounce Slurpees and yearly passes to the theme park. As of this time, Disney officials has refused to negotiate, saying, “We have no intention of letting a few “bad eggs” ruin things for the rest of our guests. If push comes to shove, we’ll whack the little bastards.”

Advertisements

Written by mytabloids

April 15, 2009 at 9:43 am

%d bloggers like this: