Breaking: Santorum admits he thought he was running for Pope.
In a stunning admission, Rick Santorum today called a press conference to clarify his ambitions.
“I think there may have been some confusion,” Said Santorum, dressed in his trademark sweater-vest and flanked by his entire family.
“My intent was never to be President of the United States. I mean, I guess that would be nice, but what I really want is to be the next Pope, and to shepard the Catholic Church into a new era of regressive, ham-fisted moral certainty.”
Santorum went on to issue what most theologians believe is the first encyclical ever offered by someone other than a Pope, in which he called for the abolishment of “any and all modernism” that has occurred in The Church since the Mid 7th century.”
Advertisement
